“When I am worried and cannot sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings”
As I lay tossing and turning the other night, unable to sleep, these song lyrics came unbidden (I hadn’t thought of this particular song from the movie White Christmas in years) and
lodged themselves in my. It’s funny, because the words are oddly perfect.
The fact of the matter is, I am insanely blessed and have had such an incredible stay at home this holiday season. So when I lay in bed unable to sleep (who knows why, but this is indeed a problem I’ve been having for the past week or so), I really do find myself counting my blessings. And there are so many of them.
On this stint home, I’ve been blessed to reconnect with old friends—hours spent sitting over a table or on a couch, saying all the things that didn’t get said via Facebook messenger or Snapchat over the last few months…or years. I deepened relationships with people, made connections, rekindled friendships.
A week ago on Christmas Day, I found myself earnestly thinking that I had no desire to go back to Guatemala, that I just wanted to stay here with family and old friends forever. I confess—that thought worried me. Since I started my international stint, I have always found myself excited to go home to family each Christmas and summer, but by the end of the visit, equally excited to hop on a plane and return to work. I feel like if that ever changes—if I either don’t want to come home or don’t want to go back—it will signal that a change needs to be made in my life. And since I committed to one more year in Guatemala, if I’m feeling more like Wisconsin is where I should be, that’s not really a good thing. Fortunately though, as my departure date neared and I look at getting on a plane tomorrow, I am ready, if not excited, to go back, see my friends there, and create new adventures this spring.
So tonight, when my mind is abuzz with the prospect of travel and unable to turn off, I will count my blessings instead of sheep. I’ll remember this feeling of being encased in a bubble of happiness that I have had for the past two weeks. I’ll think of the people who are important to me. There are so many; I’m not likely to run out before morning comes.